The first step is always the hardest. The one that gets things moving, the one that takes every ounce of your strength. It’s so easy, but it is also so difficult and it is right there. Right in front of you. But there are things pushing against you. Lack of experience, and lack of knowledge are just a few. So try as you might the first step is so hard. I remember everyone always saying, “If it isn’t difficult, it’s probably not worth it.”
Trying to find my first professional job is hard. For the last two weeks I have been putting out job applications and resumes like it is nobodies business. But as sad as I am to admit this, I have hit a wall. Not a little wall that I can break through with just a little more force in my punch but a huge wall. A wall that for some reason makes me feel hopeless, like not even a bull dozer could push over. This wall, as imaginary as it might be…is holding me back. I now fear that I am not good enough, or that I went to college for nothing. Little whispers in my head telling me that I’ll be stuck living with my parents forever working little jobs until I am either bored of them or cannot stand them because it isn’t my passion. I am on the verge of giving up. Being done with this little adventure I had in the world that I so want to be apart of.
Just so everyone knows….that is not me. I am not someone who can be held back by a wall. I go after what I want. I make my dreams happen because my parents always taught me to never give up and the follow those dreams even….no especially if they seem impossible. Plus there is such satisfaction when you reach your goal and can make new ones.
This wall, as intimidating as it is, will fall down soon….because I am going to knock it down. But then it starts again, when the walls fall down taking that first step again is hard. So then why do I stop in the first place.
Sometimes I need to stop because I need to realize if it is worth it. Is it worth it to keep putting myself out there and not hear back. Is it worth the fear that you might not have enough money to pay your loans because you haven’t found the job that you expected by now. Is it worth the failure you might feel when nothing comes up even after submitting what seems like thousands of resumes. See, thats how you know if your dreams and goals are important to you, are you willing to feel disappointed, and rejected until you finally get that break?
Right now I am hanging on to some things right now, first that my God is good and he knows what he is doing, where ever I end up it will be because that is what I am supposed to be doing. Second, the words of my Dad, “I am confident that once these people can see what you can do, you’ll absolutely make it. Third, I am not a quitter, and I believe in abilities that I have.
So in conclusion, I am having a difficult time with this whole job hunting thing….but I have a family that supports me, a God that loves me, and I am confident in my work and what I have been taught. I will not give up. But sometimes it feels like you cannot move forward and that’s okay. As long as you realize the importance of what you are doing. It might be hard, but it will be totally worth it.